


Fine Time to Talk

by ilyena_sylph, Merfilly



Series: Dooku the Rat [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, anakin might get his head on straight, emotional honesty, obi-wan is a tired jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7042063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilyena_sylph/pseuds/ilyena_sylph, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/pseuds/Merfilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin keeps his promise to talk to Obi-Wan... and maybe they'll both be better for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fine Time to Talk

He'd been able to stay with her longer than he'd thought -- it had taken far, far longer for the call to the Senate to come to her comm than he had expected (and she'd been insistent that he was _not_ to disturb her makeup or her hair) -- and he'd hated watching her leave with an entirely un-Jedi passion... but he had promised. 

It didn't take long for Artoo to bring the skimmer back up, or for him to leave by it. 

Artoo had asked if Threepio was actually as fine as the droid said he was, reminding Anakin that he wasn't the only one separated by the war.

"Threepio seemed just fine, Artoo," Anakin replied, steady and soothing, reaching over to run his fingers lightly over the silver dome. "He likes working for Padmé, even if some of the other translation droids in the Senate annoy him by getting things wrong." 

Artoo beeped in laughter at that, but settled. He could at least comm Threepio when the protocol droid wasn't busy for Padmé, while they were on planet. The astromech had little to do on the way to the Temple, as it was just planet traffic, and Anakin was piloting. He just focused on continuing to analyze all communications he had recorded between his master and the Chancellor, to see if any of them might be needed for the trial that would stop the slaughter of all those poor droids that didn't have any purpose but what they'd been programmed to.

"...what are you working on, Artoo?" Anakin asked, most of the way to the Temple, when he realized that Artoo was very quiet -- and that meant very thoughtful, or working very hard on something. 

Artoo answered, a little shyly because he was taking initiative, something few droids had the privilege of doing. He had so many conversations, because where Anakin was in the war, usually Artoo had not been far from him. His beeps and trills explained that he wasn't sure if it could help, but he was looking for suspicious things in their past.

"I wouldn't have thought of that," Anakin told him, his hand settling a little heavier on Artoo's dome, pleased and proud, "but that's -- that's very good, Artoo. Thank you."

Anything Artoo turned up would be another piece that he should have noticed -- no, he couldn't do that. He would go completely insane if he let himself do that. Anything Artoo turned up would help nail the Sep Alliance's coffin shut, which could only be good. 

Artoo whistled encouragingly at him, and kept working on his project.

Anakin pulled his hand back to the controls for the last klik or so and brought them to an easy stop in a bay. He helped Artoo down out of the skimmer -- easier than making him use his thrusters -- and headed for the quarters he and Obi-Wan were still sharing. Not that they were on the planet often enough for it to matter. Or at least, they hadn't been. Ahsoka had -- 

No, he needed to not think about her, either. The padawans out and about gave him wide-eyed looks, and he tried to remember to smile at them. It only took a moment to unlock the door, and he blinked against the darkness for the moments until Artoo turned a lamp on and flicked it around the main room. 

Obi-Wan was here, his presence was strong, but sleeping. Very deeply sleeping, Anakin realized a moment later, and headed for his own bed. He had promised to go back to Obi-Wan, not to wake his former Master from sleep that didn't happen anywhere near often enough. 

'As though you have room to talk, there?' He could _hear_ the words in his brother's Coruscanti accent as clear as he could hear the faint sound of Artoo's wheels. 

Unfortunately for Anakin, having a person and a droid moving in the quarters was enough to impact the depth of that sleep, as the need to be safe slammed defenses into place. Obi-Wan had been living in a war-zone too long to ignore changes to his environment.

"Co -- Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked, hoping for a favorable answer as he tried to sort out his senses, sitting up in his room. He really needed to get out of the rest of his clothes, after all. His tabard had defeated him earlier, and he'd just rolled into the top-most blanket.

'Co --' Oh. Cody, of course, he'd call for his Commander. Anakin was almost amused by it. 

"It's me," Anakin agreed, lifting his voice just enough to be heard. Of course even in the Temple Obi-Wan had come awake... they knew it wasn't always safe here. "And Artoo. Go back to sleep." 

"Alright," Obi-Wan said without arguing. And that told Anakin exactly how exhausted his brother had to be. Not that he was much better... and sleep sounded like exactly what he wanted. 

++++

Obi-Wan tried to be as quiet as he could, going to fix food when he finally did wake for good. He frowned in passing through the living room, though, and paused to gather up small reminders of their padawan, not wanting them laying around where they might set Anakin off. He really ought to clean the quarters, even if they hadn't been used for more than a night or so by any of them in so long.

It took him several minutes to get everything he could see that belonged to the girl, mostly discarded clothes, but a couple of projects he distinctly remembered her having worked on with Anakin's guidance. All of it went into a box to take down to Stores, for the next person that might need them.

He did regret that Anakin had not actually gotten to spend much time teaching her more than combat, tactics, and strategy. Honestly, Anakin had barely had time for that, it seemed, with all the demands of the war. If they had been able to spend more time in all the lessons of a Jedi, would Ahsoka be gone now?

Well, it was past, and they were going to need food.

Anakin half-woke at the faint sound of movement, but familiar walls told him where he was and who had to be outside, and he went back to sleep. 

Or at least, he tried. Five minutes later he gave up, pulled on leggings and a robe, and went to see why Obi-Wan was making so much noise. 

Obi-Wan had just set the box by the door and turned to the kitchen when Anakin came out. "I'm sorry, Anakin. I hoped you'd keep sleeping." He made a note to sweep both their rooms later for more of the girl's belongings, and the 'fresher. "Would you prefer I cook, or should we go to the mess… cafeteria?" He gave a half-wry smile for using the military term.

Anakin snorted at him for the 'keep sleeping'. "You were moving. You really thought I'd sleep? You came up fast enough last night just for me walking in." And Obi-Wan slept far heavier than he did, or had through most of their lives. "I... don't want to deal with other people, so I guess I'll cope with your cooking." 

"Oh good. It's a reason to remember how to cook," Obi-Wan deadpanned at him. He moved then to find what he could to feed them, missing the days of fresh food, especially fruit, but he could work with the ration portions he found stashed in one cabinet. "I had a message waiting. The 91st did get the escape pod, and did not destroy it completely in their shooting.

"Grievous was aboard. He's now dead, which means the war is solely in the hands of the Separatist council, and last I knew, they had no military strategists of note."

" _Thank the Force_ ," Anakin breathed, relief slamming wildly through him as he sprawled into the chair nearest the kitchen unit. One more thing off the list. Grievous was dead, finally and truly. One less thing binding him to the Council, to the Order. ...but Padmé had said to talk to Obi-Wan before he burned all of his bridges. 

And there were still the other two things. The _Vod'e_ , and the actual end to the war. The end of the war... he could barely believe it was so close. 

"Indeed, my friend," Obi-Wan said, giving a faint smile. "If it were not breakfast, and I didn't need to rejoin my unit today, I'd pour us a drink to celebrate that small victory." His motions were quick and practical. "What of you? I think the 501st was in mop-up on your latest campaign? Will you be rejoining them today? Not, mind you, that I wish you to rush back to the field. If they can handle without you, I would certainly understand taking a day or two more for yourself."

The thought that Obi-Wan was going back to the 212th immediately, that he would not be here to help him shot momentary panic through Anakin, but kriff it, he wasn't a padawan needing to hide behind his Master's robes, and the 212th actually _did_ need him. 

Padmé was fine, the baby was fine, and he... could he trust himself on the front lines, with what he'd almost done? 

Could the 501st afford for him not to? "Appo can handle things," he answered, several beats too late, "at least another day." 

Obi-Wan frowned, not liking that delay. "Anakin? I could contact Cody, be certain if he needs me. For all I know, the Seppies are pulling back from engagement with all that happened." He put the offer out there, as he made two glasses of water for them. He'd have tea later, he promised himself. Right now, he needed the water.

He had to admit he wasn't so happy that Appo was in charge. Granted, the man was a capable sergeant before his promotion, but… Rex had been Cody's perfect complement in everything. The two units had functioned as solidly together as their generals did.

The offer surged relief through Anakin, and he drank half the glass before he looked back at Obi-Wan and nodded. "If he doesn't... I think I need your counsel, Obi-Wan. _If_ , I said. I can wait. They might not." 

"Cody will give me an honest appraisal, Anakin." He pulled out a long range comm to tune it into his unit's frequencies. "Get the Commander," he told the ranker on comm duty when things clarified. The holo didn't flicker terribly; that boded well for the theater of operations. It didn't take long for Cody to come into view. Despite himself, the lines around Obi-Wan's mouth and eyes eased just at seeing the man. "I'm sure you've seen official dispatches already, Commander, but I need to know how we are sitting there, if I need to be back there already?"

"No, General," Cody told him. "We've got a lull, taking advantage of it to reinforce our lines and tend injuries. We're keeping an eye on the tinnies, but they seem to be disorganized."

"Then give me a day or two, Commander, before I return to you."

"Yes sir," Cody answered before saluting. Obi-Wan disconnected, and looked at Anakin. 

"Good enough?"

"Good enough," Anakin agreed, breathing out a slow sigh of relief. Obi-Wan wasn't going back to the front immediately, he wasn't going to leave before he could tell him what had happened in those glorious, awful minutes of complete clarity... "But you're about to burn breakfast." 

"Kriff!" Obi-Wan hurried to salvage it all, half-laughing at himself. "And this is why I prefer the mess." He served one plate to Anakin, then took his own to the other chair, sitting to where his knee was touching his former student's. It was unconscious, a small physical habit done to steady them both.

Anakin laughed for a moment, shaking his head as he took the plate... and then Obi-Wan settled where he was in contact with him. That wasn't common anymore, and he shifted into the pressure, taking a few bites just to settle himself. The taste told him he hadn't bothered to eat in too long, and he devoted himself to the plate instead of anything else... while never shifting away from that touch. 

Obi-Wan let the silence stand, just as starved as Anakin, and he didn't want anything to keep Anakin from being willing to talk to him after. The food was passable, despite nearly burning it, and the water soaked into his tongue like he was a parched man on Tatooine. 

Finally, with every crumb eaten, Obi-Wan sighed softly. "I do detest going straight from battle to battle," he told his friend. "I literally had just found a moment to breathe when the comm came."

"I know what you mean," Anakin agreed, taking the last drink of water before he pushed plate and glass alike away, and shifted in the chair to look at Obi-Wan, silent for a few moments before words he hadn't intended to say fell hushed and frightened out of his mouth. "...he said I was half Sith already." 

"And he is a Sith himself, prone to lies and malice," Obi-Wan retorted. "You are Anakin Skywalker, Knight of the Order, leader of the 501st, as well as my friend. No one wishes an end to the war nearly as much as you do."

"You and Padmé," Anakin murmured softly, that instant defense wrapping warm around him, making his fears a little less powerful. They were the best people he knew, bravest and kindest, and if they could have such faith in him... maybe he should, too. But it burned, as well, burned hot against the knowledge that they didn't know what he'd become, what he'd tapped, what he'd almost done. "You're right. 

"I want this war ended. And for a moment, in that spire, I was willing to do **anything** to have it end. If he hadn't warned me...." 

"Dooku?" Obi-Wan made a grimace. "On the one hand, that annoys me, given how much of all this is his fault. On the other, I'm grateful, both to have the tools to end it and for Qui-Gon's memory." He then refocused on Anakin's face. "Anakin… you can step into the Dark, and step out again. I know that. So if you were tempted, if you even thought you were lost in it for a moment… don't doubt yourself now."

"...but it's still there," Anakin answered, soft, as that 'you can step into the Dark, and step out again' rang like a massive tuning fork in his head. 

Anakin had been taught, over and over, 'once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny' since the first days he'd come here. Not by Obi-Wan, who was more given to teaching him about the light, but by so many of the other masters. Hearing Obi-Wan say otherwise... shook him, but it was a faint, slim hope, too. 

"It's still right there, and it's so strong, Obi-Wan. I've never had so much control of the Force, been so attuned to the entire world, as I was when all of my rage was my weapon...." 

"As if you can bring all of it to bear, your body answering every thought swiftly, your lightsaber a piece of your will in ways that are so hard to find in sparring?" Obi-Wan asked quietly. "A clarity of the motions your opponent will take, knowing just where and how to strike for maximum damage or pain?

"Yes, my friend, it brings that. But it is not worth it to remain inside that; you will only find pain for yourself, a loss of who you believe yourself to be, and push away what you most want in life. Because the Dark has no room for anything that is not furthering yourself at the cost of all else."

How could _Obi-Wan_ know so clearly what it was like? 

Anakin stared at his brother, silent, his nod turning into a shake of his head at the last, Obi-Wan's gentle, _sympathetic_ summation leaving him feeling like a single grain of sand in a _simoom_. Of all the possibilities he'd seen for this... that understanding had been nowhere in them. He swallowed, hard, nails flexing into his flesh hand as he held himself still. 

Lose Padmé, their child, his brother? Lose his Legion, and their faith in him? 

He couldn't. Nothing was worth that... 

"You are confused that I know it," Obi-Wan said softly. "You were too young to see, did not know what a Jedi was supposed to be like in those first weeks," he added. "And your …. _you_ drew me back from it just by being yourself, Anakin. I never felt I should explain, that I should leave it in the past and focus on the future."

"Live in the now," Anakin said, half-agreement and half of it just recognition of why Obi-Wan would think so. That Jedi mantra had never done _him_ any particular good... but what was Obi-Wan talking about? "I was never as young as you thought I was," he replied to that 'too young to see', "...but I didn't know what to look for, most of the time. None of your cues were right, I had to learn all new ones. But yes. I'm confused." 

Obi-Wan ran a hand through his hair, then brought it down to rub at his beard. He then sighed, deep and long. "You've seen Maul fight, my friend. And while you are, and always have been, well-aware of your fighting prowess, I was not. Yet… as a Padawan, I defeated him?" He shook his head at that. "Master Yoda never pressed me; I think he knew. Mace certainly did, but he just took it out of my hide in sparring and training, trying to make certain I would not misstep again.

"I gave over to my rage and grief and selfish feelings in the moment I faced Maul alone, Anakin. It's the only way I survived, because he did have the upper hand, had separated me from my lightsaber even."

Anakin's eyes snapped wide, and he moved closer to Obi-Wan, reaching out to take his other hand, focusing out of himself and onto his Master in a single breath. 

He _had_ seen Maul fight. Seen the monster that had come back from the dead slaughter too many Obi-Wan cared for, seen him tear through squads of the army. His Master was Maul's match... but that was now, after ten years of training him and three of the war. Then? 

"Oh, Master," he murmured, seeing the guilt and pain in his blue eyes even as he was so, so surprised. Obi-Wan, give himself over to grief and rage? "...I'd burn worlds down if I lost you, and you'd been with Master Qui-Gon so long..." 

"So I had, my friend." There was a quiet grief in those words even now, and Obi-Wan sighed at himself. "I loved him, Anakin. My braid grew so long because I refused to press for my trials, and… well, you saw those last days between he and I. Even feeling so betrayed, so cast aside, I loved him too much to not take any tool I could reach for, to strike down his attacker, hoping to reach him in time.

"So, I do understand the lure. And I hope that your attachments are strong enough to safeguard you from the lure when it calls again." That was how Obi-Wan had fought it off when Siri died, when Satine was murdered in front of him. He'd had his men, Anakin, even their Padawan to focus on.

The simple 'I loved him' boomed like a drum in Anakin's ears, the quiet words a confirmation of what he'd thought for so long. "...I thought you were a couple having a fight," he agreed to that 'you saw', still holding on to his hand. "I didn't want to be trouble between you -- I'd seen that too often. 

"But he watched you like you were the suns setting." 

Obi-Wan, saw using attachments as a good thing? That was something to ask about later, not now.

Obi-Wan flushed at Anakin's summary of Qui-Gon's looks his way. "I don't know what he felt, Anakin. I know he treated me well, even in the worst of our arguments." He shook his head, then looked at Anakin. "Can you forgive yourself for being tempted down that path, for using what it gave you? Does it help to know I will never hold it against you?"

"Does it help?" Anakin couldn't help laughing, shaking his head at Obi-Wan as he stared at him. "That's like asking if it helps you breathe when the bantha decides to stop standing on your chest!" 

That… made Obi-Wan flinch. Sometimes, when they were at their best, he managed to forget how bad it had all gotten before Geonosis.

And then something like that reminded him, and he could not help the guilt or the self-contempt for nearly destroying the boy Anakin had been in his stubbornness to adhere to the Code _and_ live up to Qui-Gon's dying demand.

"Well," he made himself say. "I'll just have to nag you to meditate more," he said with false cheer.

"Master?" Anakin asked, that flinch something he felt in his own chest, his head tilting to the side, worried. 

"Shh, Ani," Obi-Wan chided softly. "Leave the past alone. Let's worry about keeping you safe, going forward?"

Anakin glared at him, his eyes narrowing. "No, I don't think so. What did I do that hurt you?" 

"Only what is right, by reminding me of my failures, Anakin," Obi-Wan said, far too easily. "I let you get too far from me as my Padawan… and sometimes, you remind me of that. Even when I think we are at a better place together, these last few years?"

He couldn't help the question in his voice; Anakin kept shields so tight, and Obi-Wan had not… really relaxed his much all that often.

"We are," Anakin agreed, searching Obi-Wan's face, torn between confusion and concern at the easy tone there in combination with the words. Obi-Wan never took failure well, but... He was missing something, here. "And it..." he trailed off for a moment, as an angry realization struck him. "It should be better now that I don't have a Sith Lord whispering poison in my ear a couple of times a ten-day." 

"Truth there," Obi-Wan breathed. It was easier to dismiss his own pain, to focus on Anakin now. He did not expect Anakin to shoulder any of his own emotional mess; he'd done all he could to hide what the war had done to him, on top of his pain over the wreck of their relationship as master and padawan. "Though, I am sorry the friendship was a lie. I know it was important to you."

"...I've cried myself sick about that once already," Anakin told his shoulder, wishing he'd moved closer than just holding his best friend's hands. "I'm... trying to deal with it. Not sure that's going _well_... but this is me." 

"I have no idea where you learned to manage your emotions from," Obi-Wan answered that with a completely deadpan expression and tone, before his lips twitched. He then shook his head and took a deep breath. "I'd offer you a round in the salle, but … you'd win blindfolded and one hand behind your back at this point," he admitted. "So, barring one of our favorite pastimes, what do you want to do today?"

'Mom', Anakin didn't say, mostly because Obi-Wan kept talking... and he had no answer. "I... have absolutely no idea. Artoo's sorting through all of his recordings of -- him -- talking to me, I don't want to be anywhere _near_ people, and you get bored when I'm wrists-deep in an engine. 

"You have any bright ideas?" 

Obi-Wan considered, then braced himself for possibly being rejected. "Tell me the things I don't know, Anakin, and I'll share my secrets in turn? We're about to embark on a new challenge, I feel, once we bring this war to an end, and I want to be able to support you fully."

"For that," Anakin told him, feeling the edge of Obi-Wan's wariness with a twist deep in his chest. How had he let things get this bad? Kept so many secrets. "I demand the alcohol you wouldn't give me earlier and that we move to the couch."

"Alderaanian brandy or Corellian ale?" Obi-Wan asked, going to get either one for them. "I don't think I have anything else."

"Brandy," Anakin replied as he headed for the couch, sprawling into it so that Obi-Wan would have no choice but to be in his space. 

Obi-Wan brought two bottles of the stuff out, starting with the open one… and he didn't bother with a glass at all. He didn't protest the sprawl either, as he just gave into reworking what he and Anakin were to make a more solid connection.

Because, ultimately, Obi-Wan was more afraid that Anakin had almost Fallen than he wanted to admit, and he would do anything to protect the younger man from that in the future.


End file.
